You finally go see Juno, which you’ve been wanting to see for ages, and you nearly become unhinged when the dude sitting in the row behind you says (in a normal talking voice) “worst movie ever “—during the final scene.
Like literally unhinged. Okay, not literally, cuz I do not as yet come equipped with hinges, [...]

I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.

You think that line actually works?

Hey, kiddo. Yeah, you. Kiki. It’s me, er, I’m you … in 2008.
What’s that? Uh, no. Not 36. We’re still 35 … for another six months exactly. Yes, we’re still sensitive about our age.
Huh? Oh, right … the Kiki thing. That’s our nom de plume. Yeah, we grow up to be a writer. Well, sort [...]