It’s all kindza paranoid to suspect that the cleaning people spit in my water bottle at night … right?

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
I rarely act without considering my actions, and I don’t dabble in regret.
“Are there any nice guys left?”
I’m sure there are tons of you left … somebody’s got to marry all those girls who wear sweater sets, right? But, frankly, I don’t want you. Nice lacks imagination and conviction. Kind? [...]

“Circumcised and a bit grungy.”
According to an interview in Marie Claire, this is what Nicole Richie looks for in a prick … I mean, a man. But, really, if we start considering Joel Madden a “man,” who’s next? Gary Coleman? That kid from Jerry Maguire?

Seriously, though, maybe I’ve been setting the bar too high with [...]