I’m often asked why I’m still single, what with my enormous brains and slammin’ bod and all. Like most questions worth pondering, the answer is not simple. But for those of you out there who know someone whose single-ness you just can’t wrap your mind around, here’s a glimpse at what we’re up against.

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Inspired by a new friend (shout out, you sexy bitch) who—during a recent night of gaiety—transcribed the various funny/stupid/ profound/embarrassing things we all said for, ya know, posterity and shit, I am starting a new series of posts … Scenes from the Life of an Occasional Party Girl. See, I don’t get my rowdy on [...]

“… I felt like I was in a cage …”
—spoken by Paris Hilton about being … uh, behind bars
Now, don’t none of y’all call Paris anything but exquisitely observant. Cuz that would be stoopid.