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George Carlin

RIP, George. You were a philosopher for our times.

  • I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
  • Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  • If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would’ve made our arms shorter.
  • Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
  • When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

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