• Doing triathlons. I don’t have anything much against endeavors of an athletic nature. In fact, I can offer you nothing in the way of an epistemological explanation for why this is so. And yet, next time you meet someone who does triathlons, 100 to 1 he’s a tool.
• Using the Jack Bauer ringtone on your phone. You’re a bad ass. We get it. If you weren’t so busy with the urgent business of designing data schemas, you’d be busting skulls somewhere on the gritty streets of L.A. Your authentic lightsaber replica says it all.
• Having a vanity license plate. There aren’t an awful lot of things I consider deal-breakers for being part of my in-crowd. Having a vanity license plate is one.
• Following bots with cute profile pics on Twitter. No, she doesn’t really like WoW. She’s not tweeting in a wife beater and hot pants, nor does she wear her hair in pig-tails. Following her won’t make it so.
• Wearing a poncho over street clothes to a Halloween party and calling it a costume. Using your “costume” as an excuse to talk to chicks about the plight of “indigenous cultures.” I mean, ya know, hypothetically, ’cuz this *never* happened to me. Even if I cared about the plight of … anyone, which I don’t, it’s a fucking party, dude. You wanna get in my knickers? Go get me a beer and shut your pie hole already.

Much thanks to @roosto for the inspiration … er, ideas and constructive feedback.

Tags: dumb men, tools

Posted in 5ives on 14 May 2008 |