In spite of the fact that my interest in the site is purely mostly somewhat academic, I went on my first okcupid date last Friday. Now, I don’t typically discuss my so-called love life on CMG Unite, and I don’t think I’ll be starting just now. Still, the particulars leading up to said date support my theory that some freaky shit is afoot in my life, so I’d like to share them forthwith.
“Dylan” and I had made plans a little over a week in advance, after exchanging a couple of e-mails.
—Hey, you seem pretty cool.
—Yeah, you too.
—Wanna go out sometime?
—Yay! I mean … sure.
That’s more or less how it went. We chatted once or twice during the week, but there wasn’t a lot of preamble. I gotta say, it was kinda refreshing to go into a date without all the hand-wringing and faux familiarity that you can get with the “online” part of online dating.
Anyway, Friday came along and I was gettin a little excited. I’d been super busy that week and hadn’t mentioned the date to anyone or given it much thought. You can imagine my surprise, then, when I got the following IM from my lil bro … we’ll call him “Brandon”:
[1:54] Brandon: can i bother you for a min?
[1:54] Kiki: hi, whats up?
[1:54] Brandon: i hear you have a hot date tonight?
Well, I’ll just let the IM log tell the rest of the story.
[1:54] Kiki: how the heck u hear that?
[1:54] Brandon: i have my sources
[1:55] Kiki: DUDE, ur freaking me out … no one knows
[1:55] Brandon: how did you meet this young man?
[1:55] Kiki: okcupid
[1:55] Kiki: ?!?!?!?!
[1:55] Brandon: interesting
[1:55] Kiki: u KNOW him?
[1:55] Brandon: yup
[1:55] Kiki: stfu
[1:55] Brandon: my first friend in boston
[1:55] Kiki: no WAY
[1:56] Kiki: so how did u find out?
[1:56] Kiki: he recognized u from facebook?
[1:56] Kiki: oh GOD
[1:56] Kiki: this is THE dylan
[1:56] Kiki: from _____
[1:56] Brandon: i don’t think he knew the exact nature of our relationship
[1:56] Brandon: though i informed him, just so he knew
[1:56] Kiki: omG
[1:57] Brandon: i don’t mind gory details from you, but i want none from him
[1:57] Kiki: i’m reeling from shock
[1:57] Brandon: heh
[1:57] Kiki: lol
[1:57] Brandon: yah me too
[1:57] Brandon: i nearly fell down
[1:57] Kiki: so what? he e-mailed u?
[1:57] Brandon: text
[1:57] Kiki: and asked about me? what did he say?
[1:57] Kiki: i can’t fucking believe this seriously
[1:57] Brandon: no, he just said, “strange coincidence, I am going on a date with _____, aka _____”
[1:58] Kiki: and u were like “dude that’s my sister”?
[1:58] Brandon: yah
[1:58] Kiki: LOL
So, yeah … okcupid set me up with my little brother’s friend. WHY my brother has hot, single friends in Boston to whom I have not been explicitly introduced is a matter to be dealt with in another forum. (Seriously, bro. It’s bad enough that you’re prolly frittering away my dowry on diodes and robot parts. You can’t throw a girl a bone?)
But wait. It gets better.
As soon as Dylan logged onto IM, I wrote to him … ya know, to deal with the ensuing awkwardness *prior* to the date.
[2:39] Kiki: omG … so r u totally weirded out?
[2:45] Dylan: about what?
[2:45] Kiki: don’t play innocent with me
[2:45] Kiki: lol
[2:45] Dylan: ah, brandon contacted you
[2:45] Kiki: but of course
[2:46] Dylan: it is a little co-incidental
[2:46] Kiki: so a low level of weirded-outness, i guess
At this point, I’m thinking maybe this isn’t as insanely freaky as I had heretofore been imagining. Then Dylan says:
[2:47] Dylan: how/when did you meet brandon?
That’s right, folks, he hadn’t gotten Brandon’s text message explaining our sibling status.
[2:47] Kiki: OH, u didn’t get his text back i guess
[2:48] Kiki: i’m his sister
[2:48] Kiki: we go way back :-)
[2:48] Dylan: HIS sister???
[2:48] Dylan: ok, now I am weirded out
Thus began my first okcupid dating experience.
Oh, yeah, we totally went through with the date. Don’t worry … I won’t harm your delicate psyche by explaining what happens when the “Do I look hot in these jeans?” part of the brain and the “thinking about your brother” part of the brain are active at the same time. In fact, I’m afraid this is where the story ends for you, dear reader.
(For the gory details of the date itself, check out the premium content area of my very reasonably priced subscription site. Enjoy.)
You bitch!!! That was not nice, though, in retrospect, I should have seen it coming, or at least looked at the url before clicking. I mean come on.
Also, I don’t tend to think of my friends as hot. Though, since last week, I have noticed an abnormally large number of rugged handsomeness genes stuffed into my friends (and I dare say myself) Though, most of them live in gotham. If you want to truly partake of the fruits of my friend harvesting labors, you will have to move here, but then, there is more competition for you here. Though, there or more men to pick from as well, and you would of course have the advantage my connections in the world of fantastically hansome (slightly crunchy) men.
Just desserts, I believe, for the dowry-fritterer and those seeking gory details.
Also, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. “There is more competition for you here.” Hrrmph! I’ll just stay a big fish in our lil ole Boston pond, thank you very much. I don’t think your Brooklyn boys could handle the Kiki. :-)