To be omniscient that is.

The other day when I wrote about how scary smart women are, I also kinda casually mentioned the Spice Girl method of understanding women (SGMUW). (The article I linked to—I realized afterwards—got a lil … esoteric. Sorry about that.) In a nutshell, the SGMUW amounts to:

• Ginger: the sexpot - fuckable in most senses of the word; makes for delightful arm candy and will increase your alpha ranking with friends considerably but probably not marriage material … unless you don’t mind sharing
• Posh: the high-maintenance bitch-on-wheels who is, theoretically, easy on the eyes - marry-able, if you’re into that sort of thing and have the coin to snag one; some conjugal rights are included in the deal, but this is probably not the person you’d wanna go to for, say, some back-door action
• Sporty: the girl-next-door … if you grew up in Newark - maybe fuckable, if you can get it up and keep up; marry-able, if you enjoy feeling like a girl around your friends and family once in a while
• Baby: the girl-next-door … if you grew up in a burusera fantasy world - marry-able, if you want your kids to grow up to be perfect, gender-appropriate drones/dress-up dolls; fuckable, if you’re into that sort of thing and you’re willing to tell everyone you “make love” every time
• Scary: the one who doesn’t have the good sense to fit into one of these categories and/or is black - marry-able, if you don’t mind/enjoy having your balls in a vice from time to time; almost certainly fuckable in every sense of the word

Anyway, I decided to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that smart women are scary. Naturally, to do this I went to okcupid and took the Which Spice Girl Are You test. (I know. Duh!) Lo and behold! I am:

Scary Spice

You scored 76 % spontaneity, 67 % athleticism, 50 % narcissism and 71 % confidence!

You’re Scary Spice. Rahhh! While you didn’t get the little cutesy name of the group (think … Posh, Baby, Ginger, Sporty … SCARY?!?!), you certainly stand out as the most off-the-wall, yet most confident of the bunch. Your personality is a burst of sunshine during the darkest of days. There is a tad bit of an issue, dear … you earned your stripes (or should I say spots) because that same amazing personality can also SCARE people off. Who cares, though! Everybody needs a little (Scary) Spice in their life!

As long as I’m the 1996 Mel B and not the 2007 (Eddie Murphy baby-momma, Dancing with the Stars) Mel B, I can live with that.

So, if:

     a = I am smart
     b = I am Scary Spice
     c = smart women are scary

then:

     a + b = c

I rest my case.

(Don’t question my methodology, or I will kill you with my brain.)