If you’re an introvert, you’re gonna know what I’m talking about here.

p = t²

where:
   p = phones
   t = torture

I’m not talking about the devices themselves … I’ve got a phone that I love more than life itself. I’m talking about the use of phones to, um, ya know … talk to people—especially people who one does not already know well enough to say “I really hate the phone. Why don’t you text me instead.”

I dunno. Maybe an intense loathing of talking on the phone is unrelated to introversion, but my own anecdotal research has shown a high correlation between the two traits.

You can imagine the power struggles that erupt, then, when my (mostly innie) friends and I have to determine who, exactly, is going to call in a pizza order. Fortunately for us, Papa John’s is courting the phonophobe with text pizza ordering.

Someday, in the not so distant future, I see text appointment setting, text … okay, well, those are really the only two things I do over the phone: make appointments and order pizzas.

A phone-free world? Dare to dream, my friends.