When I realized that watching the World Series, cooking dinner, deciding whether or not to masturbate before going to sleep, and searching Monster.com for a new job are not activities that sufficiently occupy the tremendous mental energy that issues forth from my noggin on a typical Wednesday night—even when undertaken simultaneously, I briefly entertained the idea of live-blogging game 1.

What?!? Stop laughing.

It was gonna be all “Why must they spit soooo much?” and “With all that coin can’t Pedroia do better than a Key West souvenir shop necklace?” and, most importantly, “Why so little ass-slapping in baseball?” You know … the way you’d expect me to comment on a major sporting event anything involving men, saliva, and tight pants.

Wait. Where was I? Oh, yes. Live-blogging the World Series.

11:17 p.m. EDT
Red Sox - 13
Rockies - 1

There ya go.

Turns out, watching the World Series, eating dinner, deciding how to masturbate, reading about the 9 manliest names in the world, and working masturbation, tight pants, ass-slapping, and saliva deftly into one blog post uses very nearly all the intellectual power I can muster this Wednesday eve. That’s it for our live coverage of game 1. Goodnight.