The lead in says (without any irony I can detect):

In 2006, the World Wide Web became a tool for bringing together the small contributions of millions of people and making them matter

Come on, now. You didn’t honestly think I was gonna be all like “Whoo hoo! Look at me … I’m Time’s Person of the Year! Dood, so are you! We rawk!!!”

I don’t know about y’all, but I mattered way before the Internets and way before Time deigned to acknowledge the grandiosity de moi. So did my contributions, however wee and humble. Maybe not to Lev Grossman or the folks over at our friendly neighborhood media conglomerate, but to the people who matter I mattered. And that’s all that matters, as a matter of fact.

Furthermore, even if I didn’t hate sycophants and their phony-baloney ways (which I most ardently do), the time to kiss someone’s ass is when they’re still struggling to make it, not when they have a super rad blog and tremendously huge piles of money and pork belly futures and shit—like some people I know. Duh.

So, no, Mr. Parsons, you can’t “kick it” with me and Kanye in the Hamptons. Man, move on. This is getting embarrassing.

So say I. So say we all. (And, by we, I mean me … now with 10% more gusto.)